Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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