I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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