Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
