It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
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Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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