He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There's always time for handjobs
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
