she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
