cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
