Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
