I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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