C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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