That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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