32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
