you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
