I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
