I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
