I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
