did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
