Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
