i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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