where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
