He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
