So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
no, he came in my armpit
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
