I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
