we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
