Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The struggles of a small town man whore
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
