dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
