Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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