So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
