do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
