i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
