he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
