And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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