When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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