SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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