There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
