it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
