Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
