There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
