His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
