I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
