The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
