Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
