dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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