The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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