Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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