Christians are straight up FREAKS
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
