I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
God, you're like boner-b-gone
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
