I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
