My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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