but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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