This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize