First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
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I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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