So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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