but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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