he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
pray to the hookup gods
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
