How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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