I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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