oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Is it because I queefed?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
