my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
