Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
