you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
being pregnant is like rehab
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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