I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
