I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize